


Connection Failed. Try Again?

by erstersandapplepi



Series: Failure in Connection [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Friend, Bokuto's smart in his own way, Cheating, Drinking, Drinking is bad kids!, Explicit Language, He gives good relationship advice, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, It has hints of scifi but imma tag it anyway, Kuroo fcked up, M/M, Miscommunication, Not Beta Read, Post-Break Up, Songfic, Sort Of, We Die Like Men, hurt possible comfort, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erstersandapplepi/pseuds/erstersandapplepi
Summary: 'Connection Failed. Request for Reconnection?'Yes'Processing…''Connection Request: DENIED''Try Again?'…Yes'Was Kuroo willing to try?'
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Failure in Connection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016317
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	Connection Failed. Try Again?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit shorter than the last one, but I still hope it gives you the feels.

Kuroo fucked up. He really did. _So bad._

He never wanted to do this. He never _believed_ he could do this. But him standing in some deserted 7/11 at past midnight, so far from his apartment and the love of his life, cemented his reality.

He _had_ done it. He was so ashamed, so angry at himself. How could he be so stupid?! He never thought that this could be his biggest mistake in their relationship, in their life!

He had thought that his biggest mistake would be him forgetting a special date—not that he’d ever want to do that too—but this…this takes the cake. And he _hates_ it. He hates that this was all his fault and a mistake that he couldn’t take back.

He hated it…

Waking up in some stranger’s bed, butt naked and next to some girl, was his biggest mistake.

* * *

Kuroo was wrong. This wasn’t his biggest mistake. But it did prove to be the cause of all the other ones.

Ever since that night, he felt as if all he did was a bunch of mistakes. He tried so hard to forget about it. But how could he?

How could he forget about such a grievous mistake? A mistake that he did to the man in front of him right now. Kenma was talking animatedly about a newly-released game. The shy smile on his lips only highlighted the twinkle in his eyes as he delved further into the topic. How could he cheat on him, the man who has given him nothing but his smiles and his love?

He knew that Kenma was starting to take notice of his weird actions. The blonde had tried numerous times to ask the older man. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell Kenma what was really wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to have Kenma come face-to-face with the fact that his boyfriend cheated on him. He didn’t deserve that. Hell, he didn’t deserve to be cheated on in the first place!

That’s why Kuroo tried to distance himself from the blonde. He hurt at the thought of avoiding Kenma, knowing that the blonde was hurt too. But Kuroo knew that if he kept being around Kenma and having to stare at that beautiful smile, he’d eventually cave.

No. He couldn’t do that to Kenma. He couldn’t break him like that. The blonde has been through enough. All their childhood life, he watched the blonde struggle to connect and build trust with others. He couldn’t watch that trust and hard work be destroyed because of Kuroo’s thoughtless actions. No. He’d take this to the grave if he could help it.

* * *

He couldn’t help it. He was leaving home now. Too distraught and terrified to confront the darkness. Every day that passed only seemed to be hell for Kuroo.

Every day, Kenma seemed to grow bleaker. Their connection status had dropped. The blonde was hurting. And Kuroo was well aware that this was all his fault.

But he’d rather this than watch Kenma break down totally. But then again, seeing the blonde hurt, hurt him too. He couldn’t avoid Kenma forever. He’d only lead the blonde on and hurt him even more. He couldn’t do this.

He had to end it. Not that he wanted to. But he knew that it was the best for Kenma. He tried to convince himself of this as he stumbled inside the apartment.

Seeing the blonde curled up on the couch, the TV still playing, did things to Kuroo. He saw the dark bags underneath the blonde’s eyes and the small tear tracks that shined in the moonlight.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered brokenly, reaching up to push away Kenma’s stray hairs and kiss his forehead. Then his nose, then his lips. “I love you, always.”

He stood up and went inside their bedroom, grabbing his duffel bag and his first stack of clothes.

* * *

This was for the best.

He’d rather Kenma hurt temporarily from Kuroo breaking his heart than Kenma hurt eternally because of Kuroo breaking his love and trust.

He’s not fine now, but he will be soon.

These were all the things that flitted around in Kuroo’s mind as he downed another shot glass. He was in a local bar, far from Kenma’s (not their) apartment, but closer to his new one.

He saw _him_ today. He didn’t think it was possible for him to know hurt more than he already knew now, but apparently, he was wrong. Seeing Kenma walking along the sidewalk with Hinata wrapped around him, set emotions ablaze in Kuroo.

He was hurt, sorrowful, envious, and…happy. Happy that Kenma looked happy. Despite all the other negative emotions, Kuroo found himself smiling at the sight of Kenma’s oh-so-beautiful smile.

Afterward, he went straight to the bar to drink his sorrows away. The system was against him so it seemed, as he saw the previous pair walk inside the bar, he was in.

After momentarily freezing, he retreated to the very back of the bar, ordering as much whiskey as was permitted by the bartender.

* * *

It had been about 5 months since it all happened. Kuroo wasn’t any better than he was then. You could say that he was worse, but that was all based on perspective. He was still going to school and to work, his performance in both having dropped only slightly.

Today had been particularly bad. He’d been so stressed lately, burying himself in work. The stress seemed to build until it finally exploded on him. Now here he was, on the floor, back against the couch, pouring himself another drink.

His mind wandered to the nights where he’d be in the exact same position, but there was less alcohol and more Kenma.

Sighing, he grabbed his monitor. In a spur of emotions, he clicked and swiped until he landed on his and Kenma’s shared profile. It showed their connection status, feelings status, and other things related to their connection and relationship.

He cried a little, seeing the large drop in the connection status bar. It was so close to hitting 25%. The feelings status remained the same though, 99%. Like it always was, even before all this shit.

He wondered if Kenma had wondered why his feeling status was still the same. The blonde must’ve been confused, what with the last words that Kuroo said to him. He must've thought it was just a glitch.

The last word made Kuroo feel distraught, Kenma must be blaming it on his aberration…

“I’m so sorry, Kenma.” He whispered defeatedly. Those three words seemed to be the only things he said that had ‘Kenma’ in it. That and ‘I love you’.

He grabbed his phone and put it on speaker mode. The loud clicks of the keyboard rang throughout the house until it stopped. Soon, it was replaced with a sad, melodious piano.

**_Walking down 29th and Park  
I saw you in another's arms_ **

He couldn’t shake that memory. He wouldn’t be able to forget it. Seeing Kenma smiling like nothing happened. How he looked so beautiful with that smile on his face as he walked down the street, Hinata wrapping an arm around him.

**_Only a month we've been apart  
You look happier_ **

He really _did_ look happy. Kuroo didn’t know if it was a self-centered feeling, but he questioned how Kenma could look so happy, despite having been broken not a month before. The way he smiled, the way his lips curled shyly, his eyes wrinkling with such light. He felt his heart clench at the thought of Kenma moving on so easily. But he couldn’t blame him, not after what Kuroo did.

**_Saw you walk inside a bar  
He said somethin' to make you laugh  
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours  
Yeah, you look happier, you do_ **

It was just a chance encounter. But seeing the both of them walk inside the bar, where he was currently drinking his sorrows away, made him feel more miserable. There was envy, maybe, when he saw how Kenma smiled when Hinata told a joke. Sure, Kenma smiled at him back then too, but he felt pain when he realized that the smile will never be directed at him anymore.

**_Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you_ **

Kenma didn’t know. But Kuroo could never forget the feeling of absolute pain and dread when he woke up that fateful morning, next to some nameless girl. Sometimes, he gets scared to wake up, afraid to find that girl next to him again. He knew that he had hurt Kenma, even when the blonde didn’t know. It pained him so much to know that he had broken the love of his life and their beautiful relationship because of a few shots. He never told him, but he knew that he hurt him.

**_But ain't nobody love you like I do_ **

He loved him. He loved him _so_ much. Because of that, he never dared to tell Kenma. He’d rather leave Kenma with an opportunity to trust and love again than to leave him because he had broken Kenma’s trust. He’d never be able to live with himself if he had deprived Kenma of the chance to love and trust, even if that wasn’t with him.

**_Promise that I will not take it personal, baby  
If you're movin' on with someone new_ **

He didn’t expect it so soon, but deep down, he was glad that Kenma had found someone new. All the blonde wanted was to love and be loved and Kuroo was willing to give that to him, even if he only loved him from afar. He’s glad that Kenma’s happy though, that’ll never change.

_**'Cause baby you look happier, you do**   
**My friends told me one day I'll feel it too** _

He was somewhat glad that Bokuto had stayed to be his friend, even when the man was disappointed in Kuroo’s choice. Kuroo could handle being far from Kenma, so long as the younger one was happy. But he didn’t know if he could handle being totally alone. Bokuto didn’t question anything and Kuroo was glad, he had to keep this lie if he wanted Kenma to cut him off and out of his life. It was the punishment that Kuroo deserved.

**_And until then I'll smile to hide the truth  
But I know I was happier with you_ **

He’s fine with this. He’s fine. Not happy, but fine. So long as Kenma was happy, he’d be fine.

**_Sat in the corner of the room  
Everything's reminding me of you_ **

He managed to convince his parents to spare him some money to rent an apartment in the meantime. But even with all the new furniture and appliances, he could still see Kenma. He imagined them living here since it was bigger than their older one. He didn’t take anything other than his school and work supplies along with his clothes. He couldn’t do that to Kenma, he couldn’t go back and hurt the blonde even more, even if that meant that he’d leave all those precious memories in the apartment, ready for Kenma to discard when he was ready.

**_Nursing an empty bottle  
And telling myself you're happier, aren't you?_ **

Alcohol brought him to all of this, but it seemed like the only thing that could numb him from his sorrows. If he kept telling himself that Kenma was happier, it would be true. Both in his mind and real life. Maybe that’d stop him from the feeling of wanting to go back, despite knowing that he can never come back. He had no right.

**_Oh, ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you (hey, yeah, hey, yeah)_ **

He didn’t think he could know what Kenma looked like, broken. But seeing him there on the floor, weeping, sobbing, begging, screaming it almost brought death for Kuroo. He never wanted to do this, to cause this, to see this. But he knew it was better than Kenma being broken like his trust for the older man. Kenma had a chance to be happier, even if he hurt him like this. Kenma was strong, he knew this.

**_But ain't nobody need you like I do (hey, yeah, hey, yeah)_ **

Sometimes, he’d reach out for the warmth that he’d come to love. It was the warmth of seeing the blonde beside him and thinking just how lucky he was to have him. He’d grown to need him like a life-line. And he went and ruined it. But that’s okay…Kenma’ll be okay.

**_I know that there's others that deserve you (hey, yeah, hey, yeah)  
But my darlin', I am still in love with you_ **

He didn’t deserve him. He never did. He knew this, even before he hurt him. He didn’t deserve to be given that smile, that hug, that love. Gosh. He loved him so much. Kuroo sobbed as leaned further against the couch.

**_But I guess you look happier, you do  
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too  
I could try to smile to hide the truth  
But I know I was happier with you_ **

He couldn’t stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. He held his head in his hand, resting it onto his propped-up knee. A drink was in his other hand, but he was too busy sobbing to even bring it closer to his lips. The only thing he wanted on his lips was Kenma’s own.

He was sorry. _So sorry_. He didn’t mean to do all of this. But he had to stick with this decision. He dug his own grave and now, he has to lie in it. He deserved it. He deserved so less than what he had and Kenma deserved so much more.

“I’m sorry, Kenma.” He whispered through the cold air of his lonely apartment.

_**'Cause baby, you look happier, you do**  
 **I knew one day you'd fall for someone new**  
 **But if he breaks your heart like lovers d** o_

He was glad that Kenma was happy. This was the one thing he was sure of in his uncertain life. If it were a choice of Kuroo’s happiness for a certain amount of time (him lying, before Kenma eventually finds out about his mistake and get heartbroken) over Kenma’s happiness for the rest of his life (he gets hurt now and finds better happiness later), then there was never a choice, to begin with.

**_Just know that I'll be waitin' here for you_ **

“Just know that I'll be waitin' here for you.” He whispers along with the song.

He didn’t care if Kenma will never contact him again. Kuroo will always be by Kenma’s side, he’ll always be there loving him from afar. He’ll always be there, waiting.

* * *

Bokuto found him the next morning, passed out on the floor, about a crate-worth of alcohol bottles surrounding him. The owl-like man sighed, having expected this. Yesterday had been particularly rough for the Kuroo, so he heard from one of Kuroo’s colleagues. And it only took one look at the rooster-head’s health profile for Bokuto to know that he was drinking.

The golden-eyed man relayed all of this to Kuroo, who had a splitting headache. Swallowing an Advil and gulping down the coffee, courtesy of the man in front of him, Kuroo felt pain once again. But not from his _terrible_ hangover, no, it was from Bokuto’s next words.

“We hung out, yesterday, you know…for… _his_ birthday.” Bokuto cautiously spoke. Kuroo, as much as he was in pain, wondered why the owl was bringing it up, since he never really talked about…Kenma in Kuroo’s presence.

When Kuroo didn’t say anything, too busy staring at his lap scornfully, Bokuto continued. “Is…that why you drank so much?”

“So, what?” Kuroo snapped. But he immediately felt guilty, knowing that Bokuto didn’t actually mean bad. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Bokuto waved off. They stayed quiet for a while before Bokuto seemed to have gathered the right words. “But, will you tell me why?” Kuroo knew what Bokuto was implying, but he remained expressionless as the owl continued to explain himself. “Look, I’ve tried avoiding the topic for both of your sakes. I don’t wanna meddle and Keiji told me not to as well. But you know me, bro, I can’t keep on seeing both of you hurt like this.”

“Kenma told Keiji that you told him that you didn’t love him anymore,” Kuroo hoped Bokuto didn’t see his flinch at that reminder. “You told him that you found someone. But I know there’s no one, bro. Otherwise, I wouldn’t keep finding you on this apartment floor all stinky and drunk.” He hated it when Bokuto was showing his smart side, knowing he was right.

“Please, bro, I promise I won’t tell anyone, even Keiji…but I can’t keep seeing you hurting yourself like this. With the rate that you’re drinking all this…I’m scared to walk into your apartment to see you dead.” He whispered, concern and sadness laced in his tone and on his face.

You’d think that Kuroo wouldn’t be capable of forming answers, but you’d be surprised that Kuroo actually had a very clear head after every hangover.

The ravenette sighed, knowing that there was no escaping the man in front of him. So, he told Bokuto everything. From that drunken mistake, all the way to his choices, and finally on the night that he left. He was close to tears after finishing the story, it hurt to see all these memories flash in his head once again.

“I love him. I couldn’t hurt him like that.” Kuroo finished, staring at the floor.

“And you don’t think Kenma’s not hurting right now?”

If he wasn’t Kuroo’s best friend, Bokuto would’ve received the ravenettes’ deathly glare. Luckily, he was, so he only received the ‘are you serious?’ glare.

“Of course, I know that.” He gritted out.

“Well, then why do all this in the first place?” Bokuto tried to reason, he was no Keiji, but he definitely saw flaws in Kuroo’s break-up decisions.

“Because I don’t want to completely break him.” Kuroo finally let out. “If I break up with him like this, he can still move on. He still has the chance to find love. If I had told him the real reason, his trust in people would’ve disappeared. He’d be broken permanently, too scared to find someone else, fearing that they might hurt him too. I can’t do that to him.”

Bokuto was quiet for a while before he spoke in a half-joking tone. “I never thought I’d get the chance to say this, but you’re an idiot, bro.”

“What?” Kuroo whispered in confusion in disbelief. What the heck was Bokuto saying?

Bokuto half-groaned and half-laughed—Kuroo didn’t know how the fuck that was possible, but hey, it was Bokuto. “Bro, I’m no relationship expert, hell, I’m still confused about how I got Keiji to get together with me,” He chuckled, making Kuroo truly more confused. “But I do know one thing,” Bokuto’s face turned serious as he looked straight into Kuroo’s lifeless eyes. “Relationships work both ways, Kuroo.”

“What are you talking about?” Yet Kuroo had an inkling about what he was actually talking about.

“I mean, that in relationships, you can’t be the only one to make the decision that involves the both of you. Your problems, you have to share them with the other, especially if it concerns both of you. You can’t just selfishly decide by yourself.”

Kuroo stayed silent, a part of him that agreed with Bokuto was starting to take over his conscience. “You should’ve told Kenma, no matter how much it would hurt him.” Kuroo winced as Bokuto continued. “You can’t just choose for him and think that he’d be fine with it, ‘cause as much as you know Kenma, you can’t fully learn the way on how he thinks. Sure, you may have given him the chance to trust others still, but have you ever thought about how his trust in himself would be damaged?”

“He’d think that he’s unlovable.” Kuroo filled in for him, eyes wide with realization. “He’d lose what little self-esteem he has, thinking that if _I_ couldn’t love him, who would?” He trailed off; the realization hurt him more than him leaving Kenma.

He hadn’t realized that he could also affect Kenma in that way. He felt furious with himself. How stupid could he be?! Kenma didn’t deserve to feel that way more than he wasn’t deserving of being cheated on. In a way, Kuroo had damaged Kenma more than him leaving the blonde.

Bokuto smiled sadly, glad that he managed to talk some sense into his friend. He reached out and patted Kuroo’s shoulder. “Kenma deserves to know, Kuroo. You can’t make all the decisions yourself. You have to tell him.”

“Would he even listen?” Kuroo asked.

“He’s been trying to search for answers for _months_ ,” Bokuto replied with a sad look. “I’m not sure if he’s given up, but still, I think it's better that you tell him anyway. If he doesn’t listen, at least you could say that you were honest.”

“And if he does, what happens next?” Kuroo knew that Bokuto couldn’t answer him that, but he wasn’t aiming it at the owl. He was asking fate. What would happen next?

He knew it wasn’t wise to get his hopes up. He knew that Kenma wouldn’t forgive him so easily, he had every right not to.

“Well, then you’ll just have to leave it up to the system,” Bokuto answered with a smile. “See if Kenma’ll give you a chance to advance to acquaintances.”

* * *

Let’s just say that Kuroo finally had something else to do that isn’t work, study, and drink. And that was to think. He’d spent the next few days mulling over the words that Bokuto had said to him.

He wanted to ask more, maybe get more information. Like if Kenma had actually moved on. If he was seeing anybody again. A small, selfish part of him had hoped the blonde was still single, but he quickly buried that thought. He couldn’t think like that, he wanted Kenma to be happy, he shouldn’t be selfishly happy that Kenma was not in the arms of somebody else.

Bokuto had simply told him that “You’ll have to get all that from Kenma, himself.”

 _Cryptic bastard,_ Kuroo thought to himself. _Akaashi definitely set him up for this_.

Because as much as Kuroo knew that Bokuto was smart, he knew for sure that the owl couldn’t stage a proper intervention without the help of his own boyfriend.

 _Boyfriend_. He wondered if he’d ever be able to go back to that label. A large part of him deemed it impossible. He had _hurt_ Kenma. He didn’t deserve to have that title again. Hell, he didn’t even deserve to be forgiven.

He knew that. And he knew that Kenma knew that as well. He was smart, as much as he craved love and connection, Kenma knew a thing or two about self-worth. After all, it was Kuroo himself that drilled all of this into his brain.

Despite all these negative assumptions—that he knows for sure will be true—he couldn’t seem to squash the small hope inside him that that hoped that maybe, just maybe, Kenma could forgive him.

Not right away, but maybe one day. Maybe they’d be able to move forward, together. Maybe Kuroo could once again feel the warmth he felt when Kenma was near him. Maybe he’d be able to see the sparkle in the blonde’s eyes whenever he talked about something that interested him. Maybe they could be friends again. Maybe he’d see that beautiful smile again, beaming at him and only him. 

Maybe…Maybes are useless.

Useless unless you act on them.

He had to take that first move. He had to take that risk. The risk of never getting back together with the blonde. The risk of forever losing him. It was a risk worth taking for Kuroo. A risk that had a small possibility of resulting in good.

Lunging for his monitor, he swiped and tapped at it until he arrived at the right tab.

** Connection Tab **

Kuroo sighed, he had to do this. If not for him, for Kenma. He had to give the blonde what he deserved. The truth. And whether that lead to closure or reconnection, he had to leave that up to the blonde.

**_Kozume Kenma_ **

**Connection Status: STRANGERS**

He couldn’t stop his heart from clenching at the word. It hurt, yes. But despite the pain, it also fueled a fire within the ravenette. A fire that pushed him to take the risk of turning this into something better. He scrolled down, moving past the depleted connection bar until he reached the very bottom of the page.

**_ Connect? _ **

**_Yes_ ** **_✓ or No_ **

**_Connection Processing…_ **

He waited with bated breath, watching as the loading symbol turned and turned until he felt dizzy.

** CONNECTION FAILED **

He released a sigh, definitely not of relief. He expected as much.

**_ Request for Reconnection? _ **

But that doesn’t mean he’s gonna give up so easily.

 **_Yes_ ** **_✓ or No_ **

**_Processing…_ **

** Connection Request: DENIED **

Denied two times, was it a sign? Was it a sign to mean that Kuroo should just stop? That it was useless, Kenma wasn’t gonna let him back into his life. Maybe it would seem like that to others. But Kuroo wasn’t like the others. He didn’t give up so easily. Especially if it involved the person that he loved most.

**_ Try Again? _ **

Was he going to try again? Was he willing to put in the work to deserve that reconnection? Was he willing to risk further heartbreak for a chance at happiness?

…

 **_Yes_ ** **_✓ or No_ **

Kuroo was going to try.

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmmm??? Do you think it'll end well? Do you WANT it to end well? Tell me in the comments below, I rlly do love reading your reactions <3
> 
> Tell me what you think Kuroo should do and if Kenma should really forgive Kuroo. Sorry if I hurt you but it was my intention :) jk, maybe.
> 
> The song used in this fic is: Happier by Ed Sheeran.
> 
> I'll give you something to make the angst feel more angsty. Play both songs from both fics and imagine Kuroo and Kenma in the exact same position on the floor, crying their eyes out. This was basically my visual inspiration for both fics. Idk whether to hate or love my brain for thinking of it.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Stay safe! Love y'all! <3


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